Month: July 2015

Reddit Writing Prompt #15: I Can’t Think Of A Title Right Now But It’ll Come To Me Later

You wake up to find you can communicate with electronics. –istillscarekids

“HE’S NOT WAKING UP!” something screams at me. “HE NEVER WAKES UP! I DO MY BEST EVERY MORNING, BUT HE NEVER EVEN NOTICES!”

I blearily lift my head to look around the room. “Whozzat?” I mumble, convinced I must still be half asleep.

“WHO IS HE TALKING TO?!” that artificial voice screams.

“Iiiii dooooon’t knoooooow,” says a voice from up above, for some reason reminding me of screaming riders at that big spinny thing with the swings at the fair.

It’s seven in the morning. I’m tired.

I look up to see who is talking, but all I can see is the ceiling fan, whirling and stirring the air in the room.

“DO YOU THINK HE WAS TALKING TO-” Acting on reflex, I reach over and silence my alarm clock, and the yelling cuts off.

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Reddit Writing Prompt #14: King In The Forge

A prince can never inherit his father’s throne until he has spent at least two years living among the common people. –TerriblePrompts

The blacksmith’s apprentice struck the orange-hot metal with the heavy hammer, sending up sparks and pounding the metal into shape. After hitting the metal, the hammer bounced up, and the apprentice brought it back down on the bare metal of the anvil. The hammer rebounded, came back down on the hot iron, and was bounced off the anvil again. Like a drumbeat, the rhythm continued as sweat dripped off the apprentice’s nose.

After half an hour of hammering and reheating the metal, the apprentice noticed that he was being watched. He didn’t dare distract himself from his work, and so kept hitting the metal, the anvil, and again the metal.

Soon, the metal cooled to an orangeish-gray, and the apprentice returned it to the fiery mouth of the forge. Using his tongs, he selected another piece, and brought it out. The curved head of what was soon to become a shovel. The apprentice began to tap out tiny imperfections with small strikes of the hammer, and when he was satisfied, plunged it into a bucket of water.

“Edward,” his audience finally spoke. “We have to talk.”

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Reddit Writing Prompt #13: Hot Lovin’

She was an arsonist. He was a firefighter. The romance was hot. The breakup was explosive. –sketches1637

The door gave way after three swings of the fire axe, and Philip charged in. Even through his gear, he could feel the stinging heat of the fire on his skin. Somewhere behind him, another firefighter yelled that he didn’t have to go in there; the place was abandoned. All they needed to do was keep the fire from spreading.

Philip knew better. He knew that she would be here. She always was.

He found her in the middle of it all, sitting in the middle of a burning room, flames not touching her. At her side was a fire extinguisher and a bucket of water. She wore clothes that would have looked more at home in a bar or club than in the center of a burning building. In her lithe hands, a metal lighter flicked opened and closed.

She smiled when she saw him. “I figured you’d come,” she said. “Like what I’ve done with the place?”

“Erica,” Philip said. “We need to talk.”

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Reddit Writing Prompt #12: Justice League Psychiatry

You’re a psychiatrist. One day, the entire Justice League walks in. –British_Tea_Company

He’s waiting for me outside the window as I crawl out onto the fire escape. Hovering in midair, his red cape flapping in the wind that runs between the skyscrapers of Metropolis. “Going somewhere, Doctor?” he asks.

“I just wanted a bit of fresh air,” I say. I’m lying. He knows it, I know it, but it makes me feel a bit better about myself.

Superman, the world’s brightest beacon of hope, floats closer to the fire escape. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to run away,” he says. There is no accusation in his tone.

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Reddit Writing Prompt #11: #Armageddon

A regular, everyday instance of the Reddit meme “I see your ‘X’ and raise you my ‘Y’ ” escalates to the point of World War III. – TIFU_LI5_AMA

It all started when the President posted a photo of himself with his dog, a small Pomeranian that could melt the coldest of hearts, on his Twitter account, with the attached message: “Cutest dog in the world #therealvp”. Nobody could have realized that it would lead to the end of the world.

The next day, a picture was posted to the official Twitter account of the Russian Prime Minister. It depicted the Prime Minister with his prized hunting dogs, a pair of burly, hairy monsters that could take a bear to the ground. Attached message: “@potus I see your Pomeranian, and raise you my bear-dogs #hardcore”.

People laughed, not realizing the dark days that were to come.

Within the hour, the President posted a picture of himself, flanked by half a dozen Secret Service agents. Message: “I see your bear-dogs, and raise you my elite bodyguards #badassmofos”. The Prime Minister responded in kind, and things very quickly escalated.

Bodyguards were raised to squads of heavy infantry, to mobile armor divisions, to air force squadrons, with a dozen steps in between. It was the world’s biggest dick-measuring contest since the Cold War, and the international community watched with nervous trepidation and buckets of popcorn.

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Reddit Writing Prompt #10: On Wagon Rides and Tiger Suits

The wacky, philosophical adventures of John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes. – spookingtonjj

The old red wagon rolled down the hill at breakneck speed, but the two philosophers inside it conversed as if they were sitting at a table in a small cafe, diligently making small talk.

In the real world, these two men would never have met. John Calvin, the founder of Calvinism, had died several years before the birth of Thomas Hobbes, the author of The Leviathan. Why they were in a wagon, speeding down a hill towards an inevitable cliff, none can say. Why Thomas Hobbes is wearing a tiger suit is an even greater point of curiosity.

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Reddit Writing Prompt #9: The Adventures of Stilt Man and Short Boy

A failed science experiment superheats the Earth’s core, which in turn starts melting the crust in some areas. The floor is now, quite literally, lava. How do you survive? – RaysAndLazors

“You know what I’d like right now?”

“John, don’t you dare.”

“I mean, what I’d really like from you? An apology.”

“Okay, yes, I’m sorry I made fun of your stupid fireproof stilts! Now help me off this telephone pole before it melts!”

“I don’t know, Jack,” John said, checking his fingernails for dirt. The glow of the lava from below made him look like a demonic idiot. A demonic idiot with his shoes ten feet above the molten lava below. “That didn’t sound very sincere to me.”

“Okay! Okay, okay, okay! Okay,” Jack said, gathering up all the sincerity he had. “John. Buddy. Friend. I am sorry that I ever made fun of your decision to buy fireproof stilts.” The words grated against his soul. “You were right. They are actually very useful.”

John grinned like the smug moron he was. Continue reading “Reddit Writing Prompt #9: The Adventures of Stilt Man and Short Boy”