Reddit Writing Prompt #10: On Wagon Rides and Tiger Suits

The wacky, philosophical adventures of John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes. – spookingtonjj

The old red wagon rolled down the hill at breakneck speed, but the two philosophers inside it conversed as if they were sitting at a table in a small cafe, diligently making small talk.

In the real world, these two men would never have met. John Calvin, the founder of Calvinism, had died several years before the birth of Thomas Hobbes, the author of The Leviathan. Why they were in a wagon, speeding down a hill towards an inevitable cliff, none can say. Why Thomas Hobbes is wearing a tiger suit is an even greater point of curiosity.

“Ah, but could it not also be said that the tiger suit is wearing me?” said Thomas Hobbes. “What does it mean, to wear clothes? Do the clothes truly make the man? Consider, for example, two men, one who wears a suit and one who wears rags. The man in the suit, obviously, would be better received by his peers, while the man in the rags would not. Does this not preclude that nudism is the path towards a truly equal society?”

“I surmise that you are a fool, and wearing a tiger suit,” John Calvin suggested.

“A fool I may be, but the suit is wearing me,” Hobbes replied. “Already, I feel the strangest inclinations. Foremost being a desire for a tuna sandwich.”

“Are you hungry? Do you like tuna sandwiches, even without the suit?”

“Yes, I believe I do.”

“Then, logically, your thought processes are uncontrolled by the tiger suit. You are merely hungry and want something to eat.”

“Quite logical.” There was a brief upward lip at the edge of the cliff, and the wagon shot up it and into the air. John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes flew from the wagon, feeling oddly calm about the whole ordeal.

“I suspect,” said John Calvin, “that this is somehow your fault.”

“I suspect that this is all very strange,” Hobbes rebutted.

And then, they landed. A second later, the wagon bounced off of them. “Curiously enough, I feel fine,” said Calvin, sitting up from the wreckage.

“Ah, but how do you know that you feel ‘fine’? Who decides what the word ‘fine’ means?” Hobbes asked, his tiger suit looking very ragged.

“Oh, shut up,” said John Calvin.

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