Reddit Writing Prompt #11: #Armageddon

A regular, everyday instance of the Reddit meme “I see your ‘X’ and raise you my ‘Y’ ” escalates to the point of World War III. – TIFU_LI5_AMA

It all started when the President posted a photo of himself with his dog, a small Pomeranian that could melt the coldest of hearts, on his Twitter account, with the attached message: “Cutest dog in the world #therealvp”. Nobody could have realized that it would lead to the end of the world.

The next day, a picture was posted to the official Twitter account of the Russian Prime Minister. It depicted the Prime Minister with his prized hunting dogs, a pair of burly, hairy monsters that could take a bear to the ground. Attached message: “@potus I see your Pomeranian, and raise you my bear-dogs #hardcore”.

People laughed, not realizing the dark days that were to come.

Within the hour, the President posted a picture of himself, flanked by half a dozen Secret Service agents. Message: “I see your bear-dogs, and raise you my elite bodyguards #badassmofos”. The Prime Minister responded in kind, and things very quickly escalated.

Bodyguards were raised to squads of heavy infantry, to mobile armor divisions, to air force squadrons, with a dozen steps in between. It was the world’s biggest dick-measuring contest since the Cold War, and the international community watched with nervous trepidation and buckets of popcorn.

On the last day of the world, the President upped the ante higher than it had ever been before. He posted a picture of himself sitting astride a nuclear bomb Slim Pickens-style, waving a cowboy hat. Message: “I see your ready-to-mobilize army, and raise you my nuke #yourmove”.

The Prime Minister sent his response within the hour. Himself, shirtless, standing atop a hydrogen bomb like Washington crossing the Delaware, obviously a calculated move. The attached message: “I see your nuke, and raise you my H-bomb #bigboom”.

Tweets flew like bullets in a shootout, only minutes apart. One bomb became two. Two became three. Posing with the bombs became pictures of WMDs being loaded onto bombers. And then, the final two messages, posted simultaneously. Both with attached selfies of the two heads of state with their hands hovering over a big, red button. Both with the same message: “Top this, #bitch.”

It was, in all honesty, a pretty embarrassing way to end the world. Those of us who survived live in the wastelands of that short and devastating war, and we teach our children what went wrong, so that one day, when we rise from the ashes, they will not make the same mistakes we did.

But, when the children are asleep and we, the elders who remember the old days, are gathered around the fire, we whisper amongst ourselves, and we are forced to admit that, if you ignored all the horrifying tragedies and the loss of life, it was sort of funny.

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2 thoughts on “Reddit Writing Prompt #11: #Armageddon

  1. Gloriously cynical and wonderfully written, but “funny”? Somehow  I don’t think so! How many have read this? Your mom told me but I’ve already forgotten. Congrats on hitting the big time. Your proud(and envious) Oma

    Like

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