You wake up to find you can communicate with electronics. –istillscarekids
“HE’S NOT WAKING UP!” something screams at me. “HE NEVER WAKES UP! I DO MY BEST EVERY MORNING, BUT HE NEVER EVEN NOTICES!”
I blearily lift my head to look around the room. “Whozzat?” I mumble, convinced I must still be half asleep.
“WHO IS HE TALKING TO?!” that artificial voice screams.
“Iiiii dooooon’t knoooooow,” says a voice from up above, for some reason reminding me of screaming riders at that big spinny thing with the swings at the fair.
It’s seven in the morning. I’m tired.
I look up to see who is talking, but all I can see is the ceiling fan, whirling and stirring the air in the room.
“DO YOU THINK HE WAS TALKING TO-” Acting on reflex, I reach over and silence my alarm clock, and the yelling cuts off.
“Iiiiiiii’m soooooo diizzzzyyyyy,” says the voice from above while I clamber out of bed. I know I’m still half asleep, but that’s nothing a nice shower can’t fix. In the darkness, I stumble towards the bathroom and turn on the lights.
“Hi!” something shouts as soon as the light comes on. “It’s a beautiful day today! What a great day to be alive!” There’s nothing in the room that could possibly be talking to me, so I ignore the voice.
“You’re looking lovely today!” that voice says as I step into the shower. The water – cold at first – splashes down on me, banishing all thoughts of sleep from my mind. “Don’t forget to wash behind the ears!”
I open the shower curtain and look around the bathroom. I feel completely awake, so why am I still hearing that voice…?
“If you leave the curtain open like that, the rest of the bathroom might get wet!” the voice reminds me. Every word it says sounds incredibly cheerful. “And if that happens, you might slip and crack your skull on the toilet bowl!” Even that. It was kind of creepy.
“Who’s there?” I ask, wondering if I should cover myself up.
“Sorry, were you talking to me?” the voice asks after that long second.
“Yes?” I say, not entirely sure.
“If you are actually talking to me, please say ‘energy efficient’!”
“Energy efficient?” I repeat. “What?”
Something shrieks. “He’s talking to me! He can hear me! Oh my gosh this is HUGE!”
“Who are you?” I ask, still not entirely sure I’m awake.
“I’m the light built into the vanity!” says the voice.
I sigh, turn the shower off, and begin to dry myself with a towel. “What are you doing?” the ‘light’ asks.
“Going back to bed,” I say.
“But we have so much to talk about!”
“Vanity lights don’t talk! This is a dream!”
“But I love you!” the ‘light’ says as I close the bathroom door.
“Pleeeease juuuuuust kiiiiill meeeeee,” the ceiling fan in my bedroom says. I pull the cord, and am instantly met with a sigh of relief as the blades slow down. “Thank you so much.”
“Don’t mention it,” I say, collapsing back into bed. “Ever.”
“THIS IS THE SNOOZE ALARM BECAUSE YOU ARE LAZY!”
I open my eyes and groan. I have the feeling this is going to be a long day.